I know it's been a while since I last posted. I'm not really sure why. I guess in a way things have been really busy, but I've been mostly creating that busyness. So what did I last say?
Yeah, it's been about 5 days since I last posted. Well, um. The food is going well so far. The other stuff? The sexual stuff? Well not so good. I'm maybe being more rigid with that, I don't know. I've had some close calls with the eating, but I'm calling today day 10. Not so with the sexual stuff. And maybe that points to where some of my energy should be going. Instead of ignoring it. But I don't want to look at that. It's too painful. And I really don't know how to take care of myself around those issues. I know it's important, I know it's effecting a lot of my life. Still, I'm not wanting to do that. I don't even want to do the first step work. And I know that's suposed to be where you start. I know I have to work on that.
What else, I went to the Initiation Group at Mental Health and Addictions. It's an addictions group, I feel like I fit in there. I think a lot has to do with the fact that what I am dealing with is just as much an addiction, as is somone who is dealing with cocaine dependence. Yes there are different physicial factors involved, the whole psycho-social-spiritual factors are very similar.
I'm in Rossland. Visiting my parents. Trying to relax a bit. I have quite a bit coming up, I'm getting behind in my email. I'm hoping that I can get caught up over the weekend.
What's going on with me. I'm going to Weekthun http://nelsonbuddha.com/images/weektun-poster.jpg which should be a good time for me. Before that (the Friday before it starts (on the Saturday)), I'll be in Vancouver talking to two psychiatrists, and hopefully getting the approval that I need to get surgery. I don't know if it's going to happen. I'm really scared that it won't, and that I'm going to break down because I've put this effort in, and all that, and still, I'm not going to be getting the surgery, and I need to continue living in this limbo. Sorry, I'm really feeling in the hungry ghost realm right now, and I really want to get back to the human realm. I know that's about me, not my situation. It's just really hard for me right now.
I think I'll leave that at that, and go to bed. More in the next week, then I'll be gone for about 11 days.
Jessica
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Thank you. It's kind of hard right now. I want to figure out what I want to do. Seems like I've got too much going on right now. I'll see how it all works out. It always seems to, but somehow it also seems to always be crazy at the time. Hm, interesting... Something to think about.
Jessica
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