OK, and probably some other stuff.
I recieved a spam message that pointed to some child pornography. I don't know why I followed it, I know I should have stayed away, but I was currious. ``Is this really child pornography''. The answer was a very clear yes. It really bothers me that this arrived in my mailbox. Has my email address gotten on some list of paedophiles? Quite possibly. And, yes, quite possibly precicely because I'm a paedophile. I don't act on the thoughts and feelings. At least not recently. And I've never had dirrect sexual contact with a child. I have had sexual communication, and I have looked at child pornography. I've walked a fine line. Probably have even crossed over that line at times. I want to get away from that line, but I don't know how. There used to be a Sex Addicts Anonymous group in Nelson. Right now, I can't find any information about it. Even online SAA is pretty limited. 4 online meetings a week that are officially recognised. I'm sure there are others. I really don't know why there isn't more support out there. It's partially because of the topic. I just know I've looked for help in a number of places at a number of times, and have found it really difficult to get the help that I need. Still. I know that I have to deal with the sex adiction.
Now that I think about it, I think that there are people I know who actually said something about belonging to SAA. Which means to me, that maybe it's not as quiet as I think it is. Maybe just not wanting to be too public about it, as there are lots of reasons that a person might be voyueristic with regards to a SAA meeting. I know some sex adicts would just love to go to a SAA meeting. Not to abstain from sexual addiction, but to engage that addiction. Then there are others that will want to come to attack people. So, yes, there are reasons to hide it. And who knows, maybe there isn't the support there. It's not an addiction that people accept as a geneuine addiction.
And yes, that is one of the reasons I'm not going into the SSW program. One of them. There are others, which to me are more important. Still, that is a very big one. And I've always felt that I could deal with that on my own. Alas, it seems that may not be the case. And, I also don't have the support to deal with it with the help of others at this time.
So, well, I'll leave that there.
Jessica
2 comments:
Thank you Hazel.
If there's lots of help out there, why haven't I found it? I have been looking for it for ages, but it seems that you have to offend in order to get help. I don't want to do that. I just hope it never gets to that stage. Maybe I'm just not looking in the right places.
Jessica
Thank you, I hadn't thought about that. I will look her up. See how that goes. It certainly doesn't hurt to pull more resources together. You can drop them when you feel that you are dealing with things well again.
Jessica
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