Apointments this week....

I had apointments this week. All in Nelson. So well I just got on the early bus, spent however much time I needed to there, and got back to Rossland. It's hard for me. It's hard to get through that.

Lets go back to Tuesday. I had an apointment with my doctor. Sadly a male doctor. My favourite doctor well, her practice is not open right now, so I can't see her. She's really cool, and well I knew her first as a regular person who was coming to the Shambhala Centre. Had a hard time wrapping my idea of doctor around my idea of her. Then I saw her working emerge. Twice now. Both times I went because well I was kind of having a really rough time. Well. That wasn't what I was wanting to talk about, and I didn't complete that thought, but maybe later I'll post about how she's really given me a good idea of just what a doctor should be like. Trust me, it's not like certain doctors I see there. They don't practice mindfullness in there practice of medicine.

The doctor I saw. Well I was kind of upset that I had to go see a male doctor. But I needed to find what I hope will be a perement doctor, and the only female doctor that I know of with an open practice is at the drop in clinic. Which kind of doesn't feel like a permenent doctor solution. So, I just went with what my heart-mind was telling me was the best option for me of the ones I was being offered. So far... Well it seems to be good.

He listened to me. I really just wanted to connect with him. And say what's been going on. Not nescesarily have him do anything. Well talked about things, talked about the tiredness. And also the pain (which has been better since starting the gabapentin). He surprised me when I talked about the tiredness. He didn't want to look at my medication right away. He wanted to refer me to the sleep clinic. So well that seemed like a step in the right dirrection. I've been thinking about sleep clinic for some time, but silly me I didn't think to suggest it. And even now, I haven't suggested it. So that was good to have a doctor that wants to look at other options than medication, and really wants to look at them, rather than just say, "Oh it's your medication, and I don't want to adjust that". Lets actually find out what is going on with my sleep? Am I actually sleeping? Do I have sleep apnea that is an issue? I know sometimes I wake up with sleep apnea. But always figured that was the only time that it was happening. That might be a silly assumption. So, we're going to look at my sleep. First a local study, hopefully within the next couple of weeks. Then maybe a more thorough examination which aparently can only be done in Kelowna.

Then later on Tuesday I saw my accupuncturist. She was really good. That's been one of the best things for my well being since I started that. I'm so glad that Dr. Lichtenstein suggested that. She thought it might help for the pain that I was experiencing. Maybe it's just the way that people work with me, or something, maybe it's placebo, but damn it works well some times. And a lot has to do with how well I'm able to sit back and say "Well I've got to work on getting this treatment to work". Part of that is during the treatment, part is after. The durring is always easiest. Afterwords it's more difficult some times. Like if I have to take the bus back from Nelson to Rossland. I really should be getting lots of fluids in me, and taking it easy, probably laying down for like half an hour or so. Still. That just isn't likely to actually be how it works if I'm coming back. And the treatment doesn't take as well. Which is really unfortunate. But we did talk about the importance of getting weekly treatments. Which I agree with. Even if all it is that I get frome it is the way that I get feedback on how Melisa sees what she's seeing going on with me. That is enough...

Then I had a couple days of no apointments. Which I took really easy, and well didn't even do what I really needed to do, like get outside, get excercise, etcetera. I slept. Which I also needed to do. And well I basically just slept. Ate meals. That sort of thing.

Then I had an apointment on Friday, yesterday. I saw P'Nina my case manager. That was hard. I'm not sure how good that time was. It's hard to communicate with her. I just want her to reflect what's going on. I'm not in a place that I feel comfortable focusing on change right now. I know she keeps mentioning "radical acceptance". The fact is, I do need to work on acceptance. I know that I'm not actually being very accepting of what's going on. But I feel that she's using that as a change intent. I don't know. I guess that I just am having a hard time with it. Though, she is right about some stuff. I want to be in Nelson. And well I guess the only "healthy" place that I can live that I can afford is Ward Street Place. I know, it's not a great place to live, but I want to live in Nelson, and maybe it's the best place to live that I can afford. Sure I could share, but really it's an unusual situation that would work for me. So, well I live in this particular flavour of substandard housing. But... Well but, what? I don't know. I don't know. I think that's about it for the apointment with P'Nina.

I went to an art show, and well out for Indian food before. It was really a nice evening. Then pretty much as soon as I got back, I went to bed. That's what my week's been like.

Jigme Datse