Trip to Nelson and lack of sleep...

I guess I'll start with the lack of sleep. I got next to no sleep last night. Maybe about half an hour. I don't really know. Seemed like I didn't sleep at all, but I probably slept some. That really makes it well different I guess is a good word, to get through a day that I did not have much oportunity to sleep durring the day. Mind you, I have a friend who seems to be looking at working on a 28 hour day. That seems to be a good idea to me. Though it would put me out of sync with "the rest of the world" a lot of the time. Not that I'm in sync with the rest of the world now. But maybe just letting sleep happen when it happens, sleeping until I've got a good amount of sleep, and then doing things durring the time that I'm awake and alert might make things better for me.

Well, Nelson. What I did today. I went to Nelson. Caught the 6:20 Bus that takes me from Rossland to Castlegar, and connects with the bus that takes me to Nelson. I slept a bit on the bus there. I got to Nelson, had a soy chai at Oso, and did a few things before my apointment at 9:00. I kept checking to see if the building manager was in today. Eventually I saw someone was in the office, and well it was Gerald who works at Stepping Stones and is the primary replacement for Leslie the Building Manager when she's not able to come in.

Unfortunately Gerald is not someone I can easily talk to. I don't know why. Maybe because he's male. Maybe because he really lacks some basic conversation continuing skills. And Maybe it's just because he's weird in a way that just doesn't apeal to me. Hm, or because he doesn't seem to be interested in going beyond the surface, ask the "What were you expecting to be here?" type questions when you ask if there is anything there for you. I'm really hoping that by Tuesday the damage deposit cheque is there. I know that Leslie would have it for me imediately if she could do so, but she can't. The thing is, I haven't paid rent here at my parents' yet. And really, they do deserve it, and well they won't get it until either I get money, or social services finds a way to write that cheque to them.

I missed my bus back. I could have made it to the bus. I could have just waited when I thought "Oh I have time to go over to social services and check things out". Apparently I didn't. So I hitched back. By the time that I got to the hitching spot I wasn't more than normally suicidal. It seems I always have extream emotions coming up when I'm in Nelson, and no where to go. No where to take them.

I know the Shambhala centre is there. That's a good space. But I can't get online. That's really annoying. That's one of my main supports right now. And I can't "Go home". There is no home for me. OK, here is kind of home. But I don't know. It seems more like a hotel on a really crappy vacation than a home. Crappy not because of what's going on here. Crappy because of what's going on in my head. That just doesn't work well for me. I still haven't been able to shake that crappy feeling.

Well, what else. I picked up my meds, I thought they'd made a mistake with them, but apparently not. Well maybe there's a mistake in the computer, but they didn't make a mistake with what they gave me, or with the reciepts that I recieved. So I'll just accept it. The little page that shows what I'm suposed to take when was wrong though. It had extra rispirdone on it. Oh well. That's OK.

My rides back were pretty good. Not as good if I'd caught the bus. But I know I could have only missed it by about 2 minutes. But 2 minutes is still 2 minutes. Maybe it was "around the corner" and I was talking with one of my old neighbours because I thought it was earlier than it was. Oh well.

Kind of rambling here. I think that's about it. I had a really good nap after I got home. Got home cold and wet. Had a bath. It wasn't very hot. And then, well I just had a nap. Several hours. That's OK I guess. Then we had a light late dinner.

That, I guess is it. Some time on the computer, and now I think I'm off to bed.

Jigme Datse