Sleep and other things...

I had a really hard time getting to sleep last night. A lot going on in my head. I've been having a hard time getting to sleep a lot of the time. And often in the evenings I just want to end it all. Commit suicide. But you know, I think the Tibetans have it right when they say Tashi Delay, "Congratulations, You're alive". Sometimes it's hard to accept that when your mind keeps throwing up "I want to die. Life's not worth living. Just let this all end." I guess I could say that the "Borderline Stuff" is really coming up.

I've decided that maybe a lawyer can help me. I don't really know. Maybe a lawyer can help me get the sentence that is apropriate. Mind you, in an advisarial system I'm not sure that is really possible. I don't know how I'm going to figure out how I'm going to get what I need.

I'm thinking maybe living with people might help. I don't know. There are a couple Sangha members who are possibly looking for people to share a house with. I tend to flip flop on the issue of living with people, but really I would much rather live in a house than live in an apartment complex. Except, sometimes the idea of living with other people is really difficult to take. There is a lot of fear with that. And maybe I --- Jigme Datse, Fearless Crescent Moon --- need to lean into that fear. Maybe it will be a really good thing.

I guess for now I'll leave that there. I know my spelling isn't great. But it's there. I think it's understandable. I'm kind of a Grammar Fuzzy I guess. Though sometimes I'm more Nazi ish, I'm never ... Oh what are they called? Not sure... Anyways one of those who is really blatant about ignoring gramatical rules. Oh well....

Jigme Datse