I haven't posted in a long time. I want to post daily ideally. I have gone and moved back to my parents, which means I'm a long way away from all my friends. This is a good thing. It means I want to figure out how to get back to Nelson as quickly as possible. But after living almost 4 years in substandard housing I have a few things that I almost absolutely require. An oven. A bathroom that is my own (OK, if I'm sharing with people that I feel comfortable with, I'll share a bathroom, but I don't want a bathroom that I am sharing with 30 other people). I'd love gass. I'd love lots of space to move around. I'd love to have a pet. Those are not nescesary. I need to have a place that I'm not forced to walk through a common area where there are things going on that I don't really wish to engage in (hours and hours of TV, bitching and complaining about things that really aren't all that important, etcetera). I know I'm being fussy. That's the way you get. Still, I need to find some place better to live than where I was living. Otherwise, I'll go out of my mind. I won't be taking care of myself, and the same kind of stuff that was going on will go on again. I'd really like a house. There is no way I can afford a house though. I realise I probably don't want to be sharing space. I'd rather have some place too small for me to be totally comfortable in, than sharing space with someone who makes it difficult to live with them (for whatever reason).
I did take refuge. My new name (though I haven't decided just how I'm going to use it), is Jigme Datse, Fearless Crescent Moon. That was good. I've been more on top of my practice. Partially because of what drove me to wanting to move so suddenly. Right now I don't want to go into what that was. I just want to keep this as a pretty factuall thing. Things aren't great, but I'm alive, I'm not incarcerated anywhere. I just have to start learning to take now for all there is. Now is the most important time. At least in my mind...
Jessica
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Thank you,
You don't know the half of it. I'll admit, I'm only letting it out a little at a time. It's hard for me to deal with this. I just want to sit down with someone who will be my friend through all this and will help me do what I need to do without telling me to do things that are not good for me (like "Don't talk to anyone"). Well you can see the entry I put up today. Going to try to get to this stuff more frequently. That may help me deal with it.
Jigme Datse
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