I stare? It's an aggresive stare?

This morning I got told that I am always staring at a person. Hm, yes, the words were ``You always stare at me'', OK, now something here imediately catches my attention. That simply isn't true. I may stare at the person, may stare at them a great deal. But certainly not always. And I have a suspicion it may have some cultural context. I call it making eye contact, acknowleding the presence of another person. She calls it staring and agressive. Of course I was really questioning that today. And probably will be for the next few days. But then I think I'll get back to my normal state, feel comfortable making eye contact. More often (much much much more often) I get people commenting on the fact I don't make eye contact, that I always look down, and that doing so shows low self esteeme. I'm not really sure that this is the case. Yet I think it has more truth to it than that I'm an agressive person. And that I stare agressively. It's a very interesting situation. I could go and judge her as insecure, etcetera etcetera. But you know, right now that's just a small part of it, most of it's about me. Or maybe more about the whole interaction. Honestly looking at the interpersonal effectiveness skills, the only priority I can have with this person is to maintain my self respect. Which means I feel no desire to appologise. If I felt I wanted to maintain the relationship then that would probably be an issue. Yet, I don't think there is a relationship there to keep really.

One thing that did really hit me out of the OA material is that I am finding more and more, that my individualistic nature is really becoming a barrier for me. Yet this is exactly what this culture preaches. And it's exactly what I want to be very careful about not building too strong an individualistic attitude. I try, and in some cases I very much succeed, in developing a collective type attitude. Other situations I just can't help but seperate myself from ``them others''. Setting up walls, setting up barriers.

What else of importance happened? I got some money from the bank so I could get some food, and well I did get some food, but now I have no money in the bank. I've decided that I can pull some money from my money jar. It's for emergencies, but I get money on Wednsday, and that means I can put the money back when I get the money.

I'm hungry, but I'm going to go to bed, I think that an apple will go really well tonight.

Jessica