School's over until September, yet, somehow I've not been able to get myself to stop stressing over this meeting that I'm having tomorrow. I did get out for a walk. Took a roll of film which I may scan some pictures of. I'd like a scanner for this computer, but I really don't have the space, and I can probably get a digital body for my lenses (well one lens) which to me is a really good option.
I had an icecream cone on my way back up from my walk. I was down by the lake, took three panarama photos of the 180 degree view of the lake. The airport is in the other portion, that's not all that intersting. I'll probably not get the pictures developed for a week, maybe more. Which gets me thinking about the other pictures. Oh, I want to get that digital body. The pictures that I took this afternoon in the building I'm not sure are much value in a week's time. Just some basic doccumentation pictures, but what good are they if they are over a week after the time that I actually took them. Well, I guess had I had any reason to think that they needed to be developed imediately I would get them done imediately. Thankfully they are on the begining of the roll of film.
After that, I had a nap. About 2 hours. I didn't think about the overeaters anonymous when I went to lie down, so I forgot to set an alarm. That turned out to be OK. I did get to go to the meeting, and I was the second person there. There were only two of us. I'm still not sure about the 12 step model. Still, I think that I have to give it a try. Maybe if I can suggest a re-wording of those that use the word God (capitalised) to use higher power I'd be able to not cringe every time I hear that. Not only is God capitalised, but so is He and Him, and both are clearly male pronouns.
I came home and put on a pot of lentils and quinoa. I burnt them (hm, right, that's when that happened that I took the pictures in the building, because I burnt them). I managed not to set off the smoke alarm. Either of them. I ate a large bowl of them. Felt really full. More than comfortably full. And I've been looking for food to eat ever since. I ate a bag of snow peas, or some other type of edible pod peas. They were lovely. I didn't wash them, and they needed to be washed. And, I really should have resisted. Still. I ate them. They were yummy. And it was healthy. So that's good.
I know that I have to work on getting a food plan together. Trying to decide what, and how much I can comfortably eat. What won't trigger me. Eating too much triggers me. Though raw fruits and vegies seem to be satisfying enough to break that. I'll see how that goes tomorrow.
Wish me luck. I've got to get up in about 6 hours. That is stressing me. But it works well, in about 12 hours I will be pretty clear on a number of things that I have been waiting to be clear on. I'll see how it goes.
There was something else... Hm... What was it... Can't remember. Well, now I do. I fed my worms today. I want to try to get myself a nice turkey baster. Hm, maybe I could get a large syringe, or maybe a few tomrorrow. Something that I can suck out the large amount of water that has accumulated in the bottom of the bin. I had to do this before today, last time I put food in I wanted to get some of that water out. But right now it's really getting full. More so than the worms will be happy with. I have to do something about that. I also cleaned out my fridge, and more than the amount of food I put in, I collected out of my fridge. When I get the baster I'll be able to put some more food in. I'm thinking of starting another bin. Right now I'm putting in more food than they can handle. A second bin will help with that. This bin probably should be given some time to just rest. I'll see what I can do. Maybe I can get another bin started.
I'm really overeating, binging even at times, and what's happening? I'm feeding food that I haven't been able to eat before it's gotten to the state that I won't eat it. Sure I could. But it's unapatising. I'll see how I do with this last bin. I hope that it works much better.
Well that's it for today. Will post more tomorrow I know. Thanks for reading, whoever you are that are reading.
Jessica
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3 comments:
Hi Jessica - I like thinking of you feeding all those healthy little composting worms . . . . . .
and it sounds like you are choosing such healthy food - I like the sounds of your quinoa and lentils and lovely green snow peas.
don't forget to read the peony poem on Stephen's blog.
hope you enjoy your day! Robin
Laughing....
You have such a way of putting things. I decided that I'm going to start a second bin as this one really just wants to sit for a while. I will check out Stephen's blog. I find that eating healty helps a great deal with not going into those compulsive patterns. It doesn't stop it, but it makes it much easier. I just realised today just how much oil I put on my salads. Working on changing that I think. Being more precice with some of my measurements.
Thanks for the comment. I really wish I wasn't giving so much of my food to the worms. I think I may have gotten past that phase of eating for a while now. It'll come back. I know it will. I just have to acknowledge it before it becomes a situation that most of the food I get from Endless Harvest ends up in my compost bin. Bringing awareness has been really key for getting through this without going into a pattern of self harming thoughts and behaviours.
Jessica
It's much easier to post regularly when you feel that people are paying attention to what you are saying. It's also a way to help with my healing process, and it seems that it's helping a great deal, if only by helping me expose myself to what is going on in my life, and acknowleding it.
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